Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
