You really coming over, don't trick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i love accidental penises.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
