Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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