Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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