Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
