why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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