when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Too much gin, very little bucket
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
