So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
