My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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