even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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