It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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