sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
