The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
