the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
