so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
