Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
