I heard we made out
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
