I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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