Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
