I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
