I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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