My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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