I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
