i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
