sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
