I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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