you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
