I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
