Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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