I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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