Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he was CRYING into my vagina
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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