ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The power of my boobs compel you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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