I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
