she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you never un-have a 4some
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
