I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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