remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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