No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
