Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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