even my farts smell like vagina
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
