Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
