i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
