I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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