it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
