I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
