Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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