He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
