I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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