I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Randomize
