I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Randomize
