I just saw a hot homeless man
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
