Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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